Movie Monday: King Arthur – Legend of the Sword

So this is Guy Ritchie’s take on the legend of King Arthur. The film starts with Uther Pendragon (played by Eric Bana) taking on the iron-fisted warlock Mordred (played by who cares) and winning. All should be well in the world of the Pendragons, but Uther’s brother Vortigern (played by Jude Law) has had enough of Uther’s shit and has made deals with the Hag in the basement and Mordred and does enough to gain power (ie, killing Uther and his wife). This orphans poor babbee Arthur who ends up being raised in a brothel. He grows up dodgy and ripped and upon being forced to pull Excalibur out of the stone, decides that he doesn’t want to be king, or maybe he does, no he doesn’t. Wait, yes he does.

 

 

Only two words for this film: utter shite.

I love Arthur and Merlin and the story of Excalibur. This was not it, not even close. I get that Ritchie was trying to do something different. But he didn’t. He made a two hour long snore fest. I didn’t care for Arthur (partly due to Charlie Hunman being not a great actor, partly due to Arthur being an arse) and when you kinda root for the bad guy, you know the film’s not great.

With the budget involved, with the quality of (some) actors, with the finesse that Ritchie can show, this should have been a good movie. Didn’t need to be brilliant, just needed to be decent enough for us to get another one where we’d see more of Merlin and possibly get some Lancelot and Guinevere. But it was bad action and bad camera work of that action, bad dialogue, and just genuinely boring.

There were two things I did like about the film: the three seconds of Merlin we got, and Excalibur. Merlin was supposed to be in the next film (next of six!) but after this one tanked, there’s not going to be any more. What a blessed relief. Excalibur, the way it came about, the magic involved in it, and what it did to Arthur was great. What a shame that they were the only things that made the movie entertaining.

Number of fucks given: 1 – solely for the sword

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